


So Proud of You

by appending_fic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Family Feels, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 07:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appending_fic/pseuds/appending_fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is JOHN and today is a VERY IMPORTANT DAY.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for GAMES OF ALL TYPES. You like to draw but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for VIOLENT MOVIES, and are an aspiring MOBSTER.

What will you do?

===> Quickly retrieve arms from chest

You cannot retrieve your arms from the chest, as that is on your sister’s side of the room!

You are supposed to stay on your side of your room, and she is supposed to stay on hers, in order to prevent, as Dad calls it, “excitement”.


	2. Chapter 2

===> Answer pesterchum

Someone is trying to get your attention. You aren’t certain you want to talk; it’s very likely to be one of your friends. You’ve always been fairly sure they just talk to you when your sister isn’t around. It’s sort of depressing to think none of them actually like you. Strider might, but it’s fucking hard to know exactly what he’s thinking.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gamerToltalitarian [GT] at 16:13 --

Oh, sweet! You love this chick!

AG: Happy wriggling day, John!!!!!!!! Or...8irthday? I never remem8er your dum8 names for things. If I am right (and I allllllllways am), you are 13 human years old.  
GT: TROLLING FROM MY BEST HATE-LOVE GIRL IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.  
AG: Oh, John. You’re so sweet, even if I am certain I could never hate you that way. ;;;;D You are much too amazing to make a good kismesis (don’t pretend; I know you know the word). We can be........palhonchos!  
GT: IS THIS ANOTHER TROLL ROMANCE THING?  
AG: No. It is a new word, 8ecause no troll word can adeq8ly describe our unique and f8ed relationship.  
GT: I SEE. WHAT DOES BEING A PALHONCHO ENTAIL?  
AG: It means we can hang out and do amazing adventure things, without worrying a8out you turning on me like a proper kismesis would. And you won’t do dum8 pale things like keep me from 8eing awesome just because it’s ‘too far’.  
GT: WE CALL PEOPLE LIKE THAT “FRIENDS”.  
AG: No. Palhonchos are 8etter than friends!!!!!!!!

Your pesterchum begins to blink again.

Oh.

God.

Not this bitch.

GT: I HAVE TO GO. AN IRREPRESSIBLE BITCH WANTS TO PSYCHOANALYZE ME.  
AG: ::::(  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine. Just remem8er, if you ever need to take care of this 8itch, and can’t do it yourself, I will do it for you if you ask. 8ecause we are palhonchos!

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gamerToltalitarian [GT] --

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gamerToltalitarian [GT] at 16:25 --

TT: Hello, John. I would like to wish you a happy birthday.  
GT: IS THAT ALL?  
TT: I’m not certain what you mean.  
GT: I DON’T NEED PSYCHOANALYSIS.  
TT: I have to admit, your tendency to presume every conversation I instigate is a prelude to an attempt to analyze you shows a worrying level of suspicion, paranoia, even.  
GT: THIS. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN. EVERY TIME THAT LITTLE ‘TT’ APPEARS, I KNOW I WILL BE FORCED TO DEAL WITH AN EXTENDED CONVERSATION REGARDING MY PERCEIVED PSYCHOSES. I AM TIRED OF THIS. I DO NOT NEED MY EVERY FLAW EXPLAINED TO ME.  
TT: I wish you would understand that my conversations are not meant to imply any judgment. I am simply trying to help my friend, John.  
GT: ME? OR JANE?  
TT: ...  
GT: LATER, BITCH.

\-- gamerToltalitarian [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is short; I've got more planned. But I sort of want to experiment with the suspense here; obviously, this is an AU, but the nature of it is not meant to be...super obvious.


End file.
